One more from the wing
Perhaps one of my favorite scenes from the series. For all sorts of reasons.
*
We move to the LOBBY where Cathy meets Sam as he enters.
CATHY
You’re late.
SAM
I’m having kind of a weird day. [They begin walking.]
CATHY
Leo’s daughter’s class is waiting with their teacher and a couple of parents in
the Roosevelt Room.
SAM
I don’t know what to say to them.
CATHY
You’re supposed to tell them about the building and its history. Do you need anything?
SAM
I need someone to tell me about the building and its history.
CATHY
Just fake it.
SAM
I can’t fake it.
CATHY
Of course you can fake it.
THE ROOSEVELT ROOM. Fifteen or so fourth-graders, dressed in their White House best,
are sitting patiently along with their teacher, Mallory. Sam and Cathy pull around
the corner and stop outside the door.
SAM
Which one is Leo’s daughter?
CATHY
What does it matter?
SAM
I want to make a good impression. What does she look like?
CATHY
I don’t know.
SAM
Okay. I just want to thank you for all of your help.
CATHY
Sure.
Sam tries to open one of the doors, but finds it locked. Cathy opens the other
door for him.
SAM
Hi, I’m sorry to be late.
MALLORY
Mr. Seaborn. Mallory O’Brian.
SAM
Hi.
MALLORY
And these are the fourth graders at Clearlake Elementary School who wrote the best
essays on why they wanted to visit the White House.
SAM
Well, that’s just great, why don’t we get started. [walks around the table] My name
is Sam Seaborn and I’m the Deputy Communications Director. What does that mean
exactly? Well, to begin with, I’m a counselor to the President, mostly on domestic
matters, though generally not security related. I work with Toby Ziegler, the
Communications Director; and C.J. Cregg, the Press Secretary, on crafting our
message and getting it out through the electronic and print media. And while my
functions here are generally perceived to be politically skewed, it’s important to
remember that it is not the D.N.C., but rather your tax dollars that pay my salary.
So I work for you whether you voted for us or not.
There’s an awkward silence in the room before--
MALLORY
Mr. Seaborn, maybe you could give us some history.
SAM
Sure. I graduated law school eight years ago and started working for
Dewey-Ballantine where I--
MALLORY
Actually, I’m sorry to interrupt, actually I meant a history of the building.
SAM
The White House.
MALLORY
Yes.
SAM
Sure. [pause] The White House, as you know, was built several years ago. Mostly, if
I’m not mistaken, out of cement. The room we’re in right now, the Roosevelt Room,
is very famous. It is named for our 18th President, Franklin Delano Roosevelt. The
chairs that you’re sitting on today were fashioned from the lumber of a pirate ship
captured during the Spanish-American--
The students are enraptured, but Mallory becomes upset.
MALLORY
[stands] All right. Kids, I need to speak with Mr. Seaborn. Sit tight for a second.
Sam follows Mallory into the HALLWAY.
MALLORY
Hi.
SAM
How ya doin’?
MALLORY
I’m sorry to be rude, but are you a moron?
SAM
In this particular area, yes.
MALLORY
The 18th President was Ulysses S. Grant, and the Roosevelt Room was named for Theodore.
SAM
Really?
MALLORY
There’s like a six-foot painting on the wall of Teddy Roosevelt.
SAM
I should’ve put two and two together.
MALLORY
Yes.
SAM
Look, the thing is, while there are really a great many things I can speak with
authority, I’m not good at talking about the White House.
MALLORY
You’re the White House Deputy Communications Director and you’re not good at talking
about the White House?
SAM
Ironic, isn’t it?
MALLORY
I don’t believe this. [starts to go back into the room, but Sam stops her]
SAM
Wait a minute. Wait. Please. Could you do me favor? Could you tell me which one of
those kids is Leo McGarry’s daughter?
MALLORY
Why?
SAM
Well, if I could make eye contact with her, make her laugh, you know, just see that
she has a good time, it might go a long way toward making my life easier.
MALLORY
These children worked hard. All of them. And I’m not inclined at this moment to make
your life easier.
SAM
Ms. O’Brian, I understand your feelings, but please believe me when I tell you that
I’m a nice guy having a bad day. I just found out the Times is publishing a poll
that says a considerable portion of Americans feel that the White House has lost
energy and focus. A perception that’s not likely to be altered by the video footage
of the President riding his bicycle into a tree. As we speak, the Coast Guard are
fishing Cubans out of the Atlantic Ocean while the Governor of Florida wants to
blockade the Port of Miami. A good friend of mine’s about to get fired for going on
television and making sense, and it turns out I accidentally slept with a prostitute
last night. Now. Would you please, in the name of compassion, tell me which one of
those kids is my boss’s daughter.
MALLORY
That would be me.
SAM
You.
MALLORY
Yes.
SAM
Leo’s daughter’s fourth grade class.
MALLORY
Yes.
SAM
[pause] Well, this is bad on so many levels.
*
We move to the LOBBY where Cathy meets Sam as he enters.
CATHY
You’re late.
SAM
I’m having kind of a weird day. [They begin walking.]
CATHY
Leo’s daughter’s class is waiting with their teacher and a couple of parents in
the Roosevelt Room.
SAM
I don’t know what to say to them.
CATHY
You’re supposed to tell them about the building and its history. Do you need anything?
SAM
I need someone to tell me about the building and its history.
CATHY
Just fake it.
SAM
I can’t fake it.
CATHY
Of course you can fake it.
THE ROOSEVELT ROOM. Fifteen or so fourth-graders, dressed in their White House best,
are sitting patiently along with their teacher, Mallory. Sam and Cathy pull around
the corner and stop outside the door.
SAM
Which one is Leo’s daughter?
CATHY
What does it matter?
SAM
I want to make a good impression. What does she look like?
CATHY
I don’t know.
SAM
Okay. I just want to thank you for all of your help.
CATHY
Sure.
Sam tries to open one of the doors, but finds it locked. Cathy opens the other
door for him.
SAM
Hi, I’m sorry to be late.
MALLORY
Mr. Seaborn. Mallory O’Brian.
SAM
Hi.
MALLORY
And these are the fourth graders at Clearlake Elementary School who wrote the best
essays on why they wanted to visit the White House.
SAM
Well, that’s just great, why don’t we get started. [walks around the table] My name
is Sam Seaborn and I’m the Deputy Communications Director. What does that mean
exactly? Well, to begin with, I’m a counselor to the President, mostly on domestic
matters, though generally not security related. I work with Toby Ziegler, the
Communications Director; and C.J. Cregg, the Press Secretary, on crafting our
message and getting it out through the electronic and print media. And while my
functions here are generally perceived to be politically skewed, it’s important to
remember that it is not the D.N.C., but rather your tax dollars that pay my salary.
So I work for you whether you voted for us or not.
There’s an awkward silence in the room before--
MALLORY
Mr. Seaborn, maybe you could give us some history.
SAM
Sure. I graduated law school eight years ago and started working for
Dewey-Ballantine where I--
MALLORY
Actually, I’m sorry to interrupt, actually I meant a history of the building.
SAM
The White House.
MALLORY
Yes.
SAM
Sure. [pause] The White House, as you know, was built several years ago. Mostly, if
I’m not mistaken, out of cement. The room we’re in right now, the Roosevelt Room,
is very famous. It is named for our 18th President, Franklin Delano Roosevelt. The
chairs that you’re sitting on today were fashioned from the lumber of a pirate ship
captured during the Spanish-American--
The students are enraptured, but Mallory becomes upset.
MALLORY
[stands] All right. Kids, I need to speak with Mr. Seaborn. Sit tight for a second.
Sam follows Mallory into the HALLWAY.
MALLORY
Hi.
SAM
How ya doin’?
MALLORY
I’m sorry to be rude, but are you a moron?
SAM
In this particular area, yes.
MALLORY
The 18th President was Ulysses S. Grant, and the Roosevelt Room was named for Theodore.
SAM
Really?
MALLORY
There’s like a six-foot painting on the wall of Teddy Roosevelt.
SAM
I should’ve put two and two together.
MALLORY
Yes.
SAM
Look, the thing is, while there are really a great many things I can speak with
authority, I’m not good at talking about the White House.
MALLORY
You’re the White House Deputy Communications Director and you’re not good at talking
about the White House?
SAM
Ironic, isn’t it?
MALLORY
I don’t believe this. [starts to go back into the room, but Sam stops her]
SAM
Wait a minute. Wait. Please. Could you do me favor? Could you tell me which one of
those kids is Leo McGarry’s daughter?
MALLORY
Why?
SAM
Well, if I could make eye contact with her, make her laugh, you know, just see that
she has a good time, it might go a long way toward making my life easier.
MALLORY
These children worked hard. All of them. And I’m not inclined at this moment to make
your life easier.
SAM
Ms. O’Brian, I understand your feelings, but please believe me when I tell you that
I’m a nice guy having a bad day. I just found out the Times is publishing a poll
that says a considerable portion of Americans feel that the White House has lost
energy and focus. A perception that’s not likely to be altered by the video footage
of the President riding his bicycle into a tree. As we speak, the Coast Guard are
fishing Cubans out of the Atlantic Ocean while the Governor of Florida wants to
blockade the Port of Miami. A good friend of mine’s about to get fired for going on
television and making sense, and it turns out I accidentally slept with a prostitute
last night. Now. Would you please, in the name of compassion, tell me which one of
those kids is my boss’s daughter.
MALLORY
That would be me.
SAM
You.
MALLORY
Yes.
SAM
Leo’s daughter’s fourth grade class.
MALLORY
Yes.
SAM
[pause] Well, this is bad on so many levels.
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